April 3rd, 2017, started off as a regular day in fourth grade for me. I woke up, got ready for the day and headed to school with my younger twin siblings. I went to school with my Justice backpack and glitter boots eager to see my friends and get learning. The morning started off with my favorite activity, reading. I loved the ability to escape into the fictional worlds and feel like I was really part of the stories. It felt like home away from home to me.
The day eventually started to wrap up after recess and I packed up my things to head home. Once I hit the gym doors, I needed to go to my assigned pickup location and find the twins. Then the three of us talked about our days as we waited for our mom to come and get us. As the time ticked by, all the other kids were getting picked up, except the three of us. I started having a gut feeling that something was wrong. I quickly turned around to see my dad, who should have been at work, coming to the gym from the inside of the school, confirming the gut feeling.
As we were brought back into school, I quickly realized that it was much worse than I expected. The tears streaming down my mother’s, older brother’s and then my father’s face showed me that the next words I would hear would turn my world upside down. I can still remember the exact words my mom said to us, “There’s been a fire and we cannot go home ever again.”
At that moment, I sunk in my chair and felt salty tears running down my face. I barely understood what the entirety of the fire meant at that time but I did know that my favorite blanket, my IPad, and my precious American Girl doll named Grace were now only ashes. It was confusing to understand the severity of the fire until we were taken back to the site of where home used to be.
When I got home that day, I expected to run inside to get a snack and play with my dolls but for me that would never happen again. I would not run inside this time. I instead walked to the remains of my childhood home, wondering where all the life inside of it went. The only life from that house that still remained saved from the flames thankfully was my entire family. We were safe but on the outside of the house instead of being safe from the inside.
Things hit my ten-year-old mind the more I walked over the piles of rubble and ashes of what used to be my entire childhood. I started to wonder what clothes I would wear the next day, if I had a bed to sleep in, and how I could hide the new reality I was trapped in from the outside world. But there was no hiding it because the newspapers already had it ready to publish on the front page the next day. The news channels were also airing it for everyone to see without any concern for what the victims needed.
The night of the fire still remains pretty blurry in my mind. I remember going to my grandparent’s house and my church family coming with bags of clothing, shoes and daily life necessities. It felt like Christmas in a way, getting all new things but not in a happy way, it was dreary and heartbreaking. One thing that remains clear in my mind is waking up I could not find any socks. Turns out no one had even thought about that because it is something people just take as covered constantly. All of these things that I kept searching for were gone, never to truly be replaced again.
Once the sun started to rise, it became time to face another day but in a new way. We would leave at 6:15 a.m. to make it to school for my older brother on time. Then the twins and I went with my dad to church to wait until it became time for us to go. That morning, once arriving in my class though, I would not be able to pick up my book and escape into the story. Instead I sat there unable to grasp the story that was unfolding in front of me. I prayed for it to just be fiction but that was not the case as the tears hit the book in front of me.
The flames that destroyed my life did not only take physical objects but also the innocents of my childhood away from me. I felt like I was forced to grow up and become someone who could understand the shattered picture frame of my life. At 10, I was now searching every yard for a for sale sign and moving trucks. In reality, all I wished for was an escape out of this chapter.
Now, imagine being taken to Toys R Us and being told you can pick out anything you want with no restrictions. Sounds like a little kid’s dream but to me this was a punch in the gut. I could not pick up a single toy. I only wanted one toy, Grace, my American Girl doll. Yet, she was gone and had been laid to rest by my pastor in a giant dumpster for her funeral. This doll was a limited edition and I knew the chances of her ever being replaced were slim to none, so I just picked up a random baby doll to get out of the store.
Time went on and eventually after nine months, we were able to move into a new home right before Christmas. Things never got easier in those nine months. We basically lived in a car and on fast food trying to make our worlds still go on. It was exhausting and frustrating but it was now my normal.  During the holiday season, it was extremely hard to be happy and merry because I knew Santa could not wrap what I wanted under the tree. I just wanted my old home back but there was something else that happened that forever changed my little heart. One day, I was walking out of church and all of a sudden there was a gift for me. I opened the bag and on the inside, there she was, Grace. Another girl heard my story and gave me her own doll. Then Christmas morning I opened presents with all of her clothes and accessories. I did not know why or how but I do know that my security was finally found again in that doll.
Facing the fire changed my entire life drastically. I left home and never went back again. As heartbreaking as this was, there was still so much I am thankful for from this event. I learned that just because your story is rough does not mean you cannot still be. My family and I were safe from the fire and that is something that God perfectly planned for us. I can also proudly say now I am finally happy in my new home but I did not need walls to give me that, just people. The biggest thing I gained was the perspective that the storms only bring sunshine in the end. As strange as it is, I am thankful for my house fire and forever thankful we were safe from the flames.